Old Mother Hubbard's Not-So-Bare Cupboard

"Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To give the poor dog a bone:
When she came there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor dog had none."

So that's the nursery rhyme as we all know it. Here's my version --

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To give the poor dog a bone:
When she came there,
The cupboard was so crammed full of cups and glasses that there wasn't any room for a bone

And so the poor dog had none.

This photo is a picture of my cups and glasses cabinet. Now seriously, how many cups and glasses do we need? There are only two of us. Occasionally Jayme will come home for a night or two, but certainly she won't need this many! And when Sara and Joe come by, we might use a couple more than normal, but certainly not this many. We aren't that thirsty!

I admit that when we go on vacation or visit a cool place, I like to buy a mug from that place. Even taking that into account, there are just way too many cups, mugs and glasses collected over the years and some just have to go. 

We are making room for Sara and Joe to move in for a bit. Ayup, the nest is being rearranged again. :D This is a good thing and it's the reason I'm looking at this cabinet and going "what the heck." 

I'm proud to say that this cabinet is now completely empty. We've selected those drinking vessels that we like the most ... which, of course, begs the question why do we have favorite cups to drink from? Does the drink of choice taste better from a favorite cup vs. one that has fallen out of favor? I digress.

The cups/glasses/mugs that made the cut now reside in a different cabinet leaving this one open for Sara and Joe.

It's interesting how the simple act of cleaning out one cabinet screams out for more of the same in the rest of the kitchen. Game on.

A Photo Fourth

Family

Fun

New Friend

Relaxation

Amazing

Baseball

Daughter

Granddog

Good eatin'

Gluten free

Antagonist

Boston Pops

1812

Celebration

A Do Nothing Day

Being a mom is harder some days more than others.

Lest some say things like "it's the most rewarding job ever" let it be known that I absolutely agree.

However, it doesn't change the fact that some days it's harder than others.

From the moment our children are born we are teaching. Teaching with a touch, a look, a smell, a met need.

As they become mobile, the word "no" enters their world. With my eldest, I remember reading somewhere that it was a good idea to write "no" on index cards and tape them anywhere that she shouldn't be. She would quickly learn that the written "no" meant she shouldn't go there and she didn't have to hear it. I still remember my own mom chuckling at that.

It actually worked with Sara, but not my youngest. She was a born negotiator. Always pushing. Always trying to talk her way into or out of something.

We're standing in the kitchen one day and I'm bustling around getting dinner ready before having to be somewhere and gave her a chore to do. Involved in her own world, she proceeded to discuss it with me. The discussion quickly escalated until I finally blurted ...

"Jayme, you are 3. I am NOT going to argue with a 3-year-old."

As the years went by with each of the girls, I kept true to my desire to never say "because I said so" as I had heard so many times in my own growing-up years. In order to stay on that course, what should have been simple instructions carried an explanation of "why" feeling a knowledge of why would help them make the right decisions presented with a similar scenario in the future.

I pride myself in my amazing daughters. Yep! I had a part in all that they are today.

So when a decision is made that I know is wrong ... stepping back to watch it unfold is one of the most difficult "do nothings" ever. There's a sadness that overpowers me. Finding a way to offer guidance without intruding ... a gentler version of "no" ... is it possible without shutting the door?

I just want to scream "NO!" all the while knowing it won't matter. Life must unfold. Their life, their lessons, their path. 

Jim: "Whatcha wanna do today?"
Me: "Nothing."

And so I thought cuz that was the frame of mind I was in.

To stop my mind from worrying I paid bills, reworked the month's budget, spent time cleaning the room above the garage, watched a movie, wrote this blog post, did laundry and started dinner. A rather productive do-nothing day.

Perhaps there's hope that my worries will have a happy ending after all.

Buck Naked!

Jim blows through the door about 5:30ish with a big ambition of not only cutting the grass, but doing the trimming as well. I cannot hide my excitement at getting both big tasks done this early in the week. My lucky day for sure!

I go about my business of finishing up my own work and smile to myself as I hear the lawn mower going and Morgan barking, just happy to be outside.

Wrapping up work takes a little longer than I thought as I remember at the last minute an email that must be sent. Signing back on, I hear the weed trimmer going. I smile again as this is just amazing.

Silence outside. Wait for it ...

In come Morgan and Jim, but I know they're coming long before they enter as the smell of gas from the lawn mower permeates the air.

Wait for it ...

I look over and there stands my triumphant husband. So proud of his accomplishments for the day. There he stands ... still in his polo and khakis from work.

I know. I can hear a collective groan from the ladies out there.

Yep. He cut the grass and did the trimming in his good work clothes. Now, how do I salvage the goodness of this day all the while less-than-happy at the condition of his work clothes?

"Don't sit on the furniture," I say as he hops back up.

"Guess I'll go shower." I nod in agreement.

"Strip," I say laughing at his look.

"You aren't taking those smelly clothes upstairs. Strip 'em all off and leave 'em in the laundry room. I'll wash them right now."

Amid his protests of not being able to do that because ... well, he never woulda done something like that before, I remind him that we no longer have kids in the house. We can run naked through the house if we so choose.

Buck naked, he runs through the kitchen yelling "whoooohooooooooo"!

And as I sit in the family room laughing, I wonder about the freedoms that lie ahead. Our 50s are looking better and better.

Listen to myself

While driving Jayme back to Boston we were talking about what she hopes to accomplish during the next softball season. She was venting about how she wants to be able to hit home runs because she feels that’s what gets all the attention.

Home runs are exciting and definitely add the dramatic flair to a game. It’s like a huge punctuation mark, but not everyone’s role is to hit home runs. And thus I shifted into motherly-advice mode.

We talked about how there's a need for balance on a team. Some are there to add power to the mix while others are there to get on base, however they can, and steal bases.

“Jayme, you need to see your skill set and know that what you bring to the table has value,” i said with great conviction and encouragement.

“Instead of focusing on what you can’t do, focus on what you CAN do and be the very best at that.”

That is the very same advice I’ve given Sara over the years when she would fret about not being able to run or play sports (“like the others”) or any number of things. My focus was always about recognizing limitations, accepting challenges and focusing on what you can do.

Whoa.

Am I listening to myself?

I need to.

All my tears about a time gone by and the sorrow that goes with missing something so amazing … I’ve spent so much energy there that I’ve missed the power of what I can do.

I feel empowered in finally recognizing the obvious. It’s been right there before me all along clouded by a fog of hormones and sadness.

Whoooohoooooo! I’ve turned a corner out of sadness and into … hmmm … I’m not sure what I’ve turned a corner into yet, but I can at least look in the rear-view mirror and see that I’ve left darkness behind. I'm excited!

I think I get it

e·piph·a·ny –noun, plural -nies.

a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

I think I had one. And I think it's about time in that Jayme just finished her sophomore year at BU. :x

     Scenario: Jayme wanted to come home for the weekend.

     Before: Get in the car and go get her.

          :::insert commonplace experience:::

     Jayme: Mom, don't come get me. I can take the train home.

And there ya go. My daughter looked into the whole process, paid for it and did it. And I didn't have to do a thing  ... except wait.

It was this waiting that made me realize that this is really where we are now. Instead of being proactive or reactionary in my girls' lives, I'm here as always, but it's an on-call type of thing.

I've taught and led by example and shared so much over the years and they have been phenominal students of those teachings.


I asked my mom how she learned to get through the long absences of her children in her life. In a wonderful moment of clarity she said, "You never get used to it. You just learn to live with it."

Such wisdom is irreplaceable. It only comes from years of loving and mothering.



My girls call and they call often. I'm so lucky in that regard. There is no doubt that I have value in their lives. I am so thankful for that and for the love we share.

I miss them. I miss what was. But, I am so very excited to see what lies ahead. I know that they will have wonderful lives because their foundation is strong.

What a milestone for me. It took me two years to finally figure out what being a mom to adult daughters is about. I'm still learning, but I think I'm finally on the right track.

I'll leave you with this one comment from Jayme. As she's waiting for the train to Grafton from somewhere in Boston, she calls and exclaims, "Mom, did you know you can take the train to Washington, D.C.? Or New York? I could go anywhere."

Yes Sweet Girl, I know you can. :)

30 Years

It's been a while since I've posted, but it's not for lack of thought. So many things flooding into my brain that sorting them out isn't always easy, nor a priority.

Jim and I clocked a major milestone in our life together. Thirty years of marriage ... it's mind-boggling.

I look at our wedding pictures and see two people who thought they had it figured out, had a plan. And now, I see two people who truly had no idea.

So many lessons this life has taught me. I see this young woman to my left and am amazed at where she is today.

Here are some of my lessons:

1) Love without commitment isn't strong enough to get you through.
2) Being a wife will test me like no other.
3) Being a wife has taught me to put someone else first.
4) I CAN live without him, I CHOOSE not to.
5) Being right isn't always what it's about.
6) Romance novels lie.
7) "Ugly" isn't just seeing each other without makeup.

8) There are no guarantees that the plan you start with is the one you end with.
9) Each day is a new day with new opportunities.
10) There's always a way to give just a little more, no matter how hard it is.
11) Never say never ... except for this one ... NEVER go to bed angry. Ever.
12) The power of touch can diffuse the darkest of days.
13) Starting over is easier with him. And in 30 years, we've started over many times.
14) Let him do the dishes ... even if they have to be rewashed before using.
15) Forgive. Forget. The first is easier than the second.
16) History does not have to repeat itself.
17) When the kids are gone, we are what's left.
18) It's OK to have separate interests.
19) Communication is critical.
20) Temptations happen (thanks Adam and Eve).

I could go on cuz 30 years is a ton of time together. And now we move on towards our 31st year as a married couple. Where will that journey take us?