$50/Week on Groceries? Yep!

When Jim lost his job back in March, to say we had a small sense of panic is an understatement. It left us with his weekly unemployment check, a shadow of his former paycheck, and my part-time job with Disney. So many things went through my head as I tried to figure out how we would pay the mortgage, the bills and eat. Eating a gluten-free diet isn't the cheapest way to eat ... or so I thought.

I've been asked many times since March how we managed to eat, and eat well on only $50/week. That's all our remaining funds could handle and still afford the litany of things life demands. Budgeting took on a whole new sense of urgency.

Now that he's employed again, we have eased up a bit, but still choose to allot $50/week for groceries supplemented with a once a month shopping spree of about $100. Gone are the days of stockpiling food in the pantry and freezer. We're just the two of us now and a full cabinet is money. When living check-to-check and week-by-week, 10 cans of tomato sauce could easily translate into a couple dollars of gas to get us through. Crazy, but when funds are limited, we had to change how we looked at everything.

It's an adventure. That's the positive spin I put on it to keep myself from going crazy with worry. We now get kind of excited over finding really good deals at the grocery store. One of the best Jim found was a decent-sized ham (think holiday size) for only $.29. Yep! It was priced incorrectly ... obviously ... but the manager let him have it for that. We were so excited and I can't tell you how many meals we got out of that ham all the way down to pea soup using the bone. :D

Today Jim went up to Stop & Shop and came home with almost $40 of meat for $20! Imagine the excitement to know we just got six meals for $20! We'll make soup with one of the chickens which will really stretch this to more than six meals. This alone comes out to about $3/meal for the meat. Fortunately we have other stuff in the freezer to mix up the protein a little more, but this is exciting!

To make it even better, if you look at the receipt you'll see that our savings totaled more than our actual cost. Whoohoooo! Now we have $30 left for vegetables, etc.

Unfortunately, Stop & Shop doesn't have the best prices on all things. That's another thing we learned during our unemployment ordeal. 

Our grocery shopping day starts with the meats that are on sale at Stop & Shop. We then head to PriceRite in Worcester for the biggest portion of our shopping. While not the fanciest place, and ya hafta bag your own groceries (but who cares about that), the prices are unbeatable. On most items, their prices beat S&S.

While the fresh produce is priced well below S&S and is a good purchase, their fruit tends to spoil quickly. While a good price, unless you're eating it within a day or two of purchase, it's a waste of money. We have recently decided to not buy fruit from PriceRite any more and now go to the fresh produce stand. A&R on Worcester Street rocks.

We also hit the Dollar store for some items. So our grocery trip looks like this --

1) Stop & Shop (Grafton) for sale meats.
2) Dollar Tree (Worcester) for various items.
3) Price Rite (Worcester) for veggies, bread, milk, pasta, potatoes, etc.
4) A&R (Worcester) for fresh fruit.

Prior to any of this, we make a menu for the week so we don't go shopping without having a clue of what's needed.

If I got into couponing, I'm certain we could save even more. For now, we're quite happy with where we are. For those that have asked, hope this helps. For those that didn't, hope you got something from it. :)

Babies Don't Keep

I hope my child looks back on today
And sees a mother who had time to play.
There will be years for cleaning and cooking,
But children grow up when you’re not looking.
Tomorrow I’ll do all the chores you can mention
But today, my baby needs time and attention.
So settle down cobwebs; dust go to sleep,
I’m cuddling my baby, and babies don’t keep.

I don't know who wrote this. A quick search only showed me others who don't know who wrote this. :D 

I read this in my early days as a new mom learning to juggle the demands of a baby born with many medical needs, a wife of less than two years and a career. Some wise person either shared it with me or I read it somewhere. My apologies if it was shared as I so don't remember, but I seriously believe I read it in some guru-like parenting magazine. This was long before the Internet put everything at a click.

So much comfort in this little poem. It actually soothed my worries and helped me come to terms with the realization that some things were more important than a clean house. It helped me see that it's OK that there were toys on the floor ... laundry in the baskets ... beds not made and ... :::gasp::: dirty dishes in the sink.

Fast forward through the 25+ years of raising two daughters and all that goes with an active family life and career to today. 

There are no more babies to distract me. It's time to follow through. Chores is such a negative word. Growing up, chores were handed down as punishment by my own parents. 

Some how, some way my view of "chores" has changed. It's part of this morphing I've been doing lately I think. 

Before, chores were something that had to be squeezed into a day that had no room for more. Now, it's really quite easy to do something around the house each day and still have plenty of time to do whatever it is empty nesters do ... read, enjoy the outdoors ... write a blog. :D

So dust and cobwebs, thank you for waiting. It's your turn now and what's even more weird is ... I don't detest is as much as I thought I would. Go figure.

This is Garbage!

On my way to Boston yesterday, I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts to get an iced coffee. Nothing out of the ordinary right?

I pull up to the drive-thru and handed over my debit card. OK ... why I paid $2.86 with anything other than cash is for another day. :D

Back to the window ... we make the exchange ... debit card for straw. I remove the paper from the straw and attempt an exchange of debit card for paper. She takes the straw paper and ...

throws it on the ground.

I'm appalled. "Are you kidding me? Did you just throw the trash on the ground"?

Attitude.

As she hands me my iced coffee, I ask again, "Did you really just throw the trash on the ground?"

"We aren't allowed to take anything from you."

Me: "Then just tell me that instead of littering."

Driving away, I think of tons of other things I could have said. There's a part of me that understands why they don't want to take everyone's trash. It is Grafton after all and I imagine businesses have to pay for trash just like the rest of us. But come on! Throwing it on the ground?

I'm still incensed over this as I enter the Mass Pike and what happens? The car in front of me throws trash out the window!

What the heck?! Twice in one day? Do these folks not remember the commercial with the Native American with the tear rolling down his cheek?

The paper from a straw is just a small thing. But come on ... we know how quickly the little things pile up.

:::getting off my soap box:::

Old Mother Hubbard's Not-So-Bare Cupboard

"Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To give the poor dog a bone:
When she came there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor dog had none."

So that's the nursery rhyme as we all know it. Here's my version --

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To give the poor dog a bone:
When she came there,
The cupboard was so crammed full of cups and glasses that there wasn't any room for a bone

And so the poor dog had none.

This photo is a picture of my cups and glasses cabinet. Now seriously, how many cups and glasses do we need? There are only two of us. Occasionally Jayme will come home for a night or two, but certainly she won't need this many! And when Sara and Joe come by, we might use a couple more than normal, but certainly not this many. We aren't that thirsty!

I admit that when we go on vacation or visit a cool place, I like to buy a mug from that place. Even taking that into account, there are just way too many cups, mugs and glasses collected over the years and some just have to go. 

We are making room for Sara and Joe to move in for a bit. Ayup, the nest is being rearranged again. :D This is a good thing and it's the reason I'm looking at this cabinet and going "what the heck." 

I'm proud to say that this cabinet is now completely empty. We've selected those drinking vessels that we like the most ... which, of course, begs the question why do we have favorite cups to drink from? Does the drink of choice taste better from a favorite cup vs. one that has fallen out of favor? I digress.

The cups/glasses/mugs that made the cut now reside in a different cabinet leaving this one open for Sara and Joe.

It's interesting how the simple act of cleaning out one cabinet screams out for more of the same in the rest of the kitchen. Game on.

A Photo Fourth

Family

Fun

New Friend

Relaxation

Amazing

Baseball

Daughter

Granddog

Good eatin'

Gluten free

Antagonist

Boston Pops

1812

Celebration

A Do Nothing Day

Being a mom is harder some days more than others.

Lest some say things like "it's the most rewarding job ever" let it be known that I absolutely agree.

However, it doesn't change the fact that some days it's harder than others.

From the moment our children are born we are teaching. Teaching with a touch, a look, a smell, a met need.

As they become mobile, the word "no" enters their world. With my eldest, I remember reading somewhere that it was a good idea to write "no" on index cards and tape them anywhere that she shouldn't be. She would quickly learn that the written "no" meant she shouldn't go there and she didn't have to hear it. I still remember my own mom chuckling at that.

It actually worked with Sara, but not my youngest. She was a born negotiator. Always pushing. Always trying to talk her way into or out of something.

We're standing in the kitchen one day and I'm bustling around getting dinner ready before having to be somewhere and gave her a chore to do. Involved in her own world, she proceeded to discuss it with me. The discussion quickly escalated until I finally blurted ...

"Jayme, you are 3. I am NOT going to argue with a 3-year-old."

As the years went by with each of the girls, I kept true to my desire to never say "because I said so" as I had heard so many times in my own growing-up years. In order to stay on that course, what should have been simple instructions carried an explanation of "why" feeling a knowledge of why would help them make the right decisions presented with a similar scenario in the future.

I pride myself in my amazing daughters. Yep! I had a part in all that they are today.

So when a decision is made that I know is wrong ... stepping back to watch it unfold is one of the most difficult "do nothings" ever. There's a sadness that overpowers me. Finding a way to offer guidance without intruding ... a gentler version of "no" ... is it possible without shutting the door?

I just want to scream "NO!" all the while knowing it won't matter. Life must unfold. Their life, their lessons, their path. 

Jim: "Whatcha wanna do today?"
Me: "Nothing."

And so I thought cuz that was the frame of mind I was in.

To stop my mind from worrying I paid bills, reworked the month's budget, spent time cleaning the room above the garage, watched a movie, wrote this blog post, did laundry and started dinner. A rather productive do-nothing day.

Perhaps there's hope that my worries will have a happy ending after all.

Buck Naked!

Jim blows through the door about 5:30ish with a big ambition of not only cutting the grass, but doing the trimming as well. I cannot hide my excitement at getting both big tasks done this early in the week. My lucky day for sure!

I go about my business of finishing up my own work and smile to myself as I hear the lawn mower going and Morgan barking, just happy to be outside.

Wrapping up work takes a little longer than I thought as I remember at the last minute an email that must be sent. Signing back on, I hear the weed trimmer going. I smile again as this is just amazing.

Silence outside. Wait for it ...

In come Morgan and Jim, but I know they're coming long before they enter as the smell of gas from the lawn mower permeates the air.

Wait for it ...

I look over and there stands my triumphant husband. So proud of his accomplishments for the day. There he stands ... still in his polo and khakis from work.

I know. I can hear a collective groan from the ladies out there.

Yep. He cut the grass and did the trimming in his good work clothes. Now, how do I salvage the goodness of this day all the while less-than-happy at the condition of his work clothes?

"Don't sit on the furniture," I say as he hops back up.

"Guess I'll go shower." I nod in agreement.

"Strip," I say laughing at his look.

"You aren't taking those smelly clothes upstairs. Strip 'em all off and leave 'em in the laundry room. I'll wash them right now."

Amid his protests of not being able to do that because ... well, he never woulda done something like that before, I remind him that we no longer have kids in the house. We can run naked through the house if we so choose.

Buck naked, he runs through the kitchen yelling "whoooohooooooooo"!

And as I sit in the family room laughing, I wonder about the freedoms that lie ahead. Our 50s are looking better and better.

Listen to myself

While driving Jayme back to Boston we were talking about what she hopes to accomplish during the next softball season. She was venting about how she wants to be able to hit home runs because she feels that’s what gets all the attention.

Home runs are exciting and definitely add the dramatic flair to a game. It’s like a huge punctuation mark, but not everyone’s role is to hit home runs. And thus I shifted into motherly-advice mode.

We talked about how there's a need for balance on a team. Some are there to add power to the mix while others are there to get on base, however they can, and steal bases.

“Jayme, you need to see your skill set and know that what you bring to the table has value,” i said with great conviction and encouragement.

“Instead of focusing on what you can’t do, focus on what you CAN do and be the very best at that.”

That is the very same advice I’ve given Sara over the years when she would fret about not being able to run or play sports (“like the others”) or any number of things. My focus was always about recognizing limitations, accepting challenges and focusing on what you can do.

Whoa.

Am I listening to myself?

I need to.

All my tears about a time gone by and the sorrow that goes with missing something so amazing … I’ve spent so much energy there that I’ve missed the power of what I can do.

I feel empowered in finally recognizing the obvious. It’s been right there before me all along clouded by a fog of hormones and sadness.

Whoooohoooooo! I’ve turned a corner out of sadness and into … hmmm … I’m not sure what I’ve turned a corner into yet, but I can at least look in the rear-view mirror and see that I’ve left darkness behind. I'm excited!

I think I get it

e·piph·a·ny –noun, plural -nies.

a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

I think I had one. And I think it's about time in that Jayme just finished her sophomore year at BU. :x

     Scenario: Jayme wanted to come home for the weekend.

     Before: Get in the car and go get her.

          :::insert commonplace experience:::

     Jayme: Mom, don't come get me. I can take the train home.

And there ya go. My daughter looked into the whole process, paid for it and did it. And I didn't have to do a thing  ... except wait.

It was this waiting that made me realize that this is really where we are now. Instead of being proactive or reactionary in my girls' lives, I'm here as always, but it's an on-call type of thing.

I've taught and led by example and shared so much over the years and they have been phenominal students of those teachings.


I asked my mom how she learned to get through the long absences of her children in her life. In a wonderful moment of clarity she said, "You never get used to it. You just learn to live with it."

Such wisdom is irreplaceable. It only comes from years of loving and mothering.



My girls call and they call often. I'm so lucky in that regard. There is no doubt that I have value in their lives. I am so thankful for that and for the love we share.

I miss them. I miss what was. But, I am so very excited to see what lies ahead. I know that they will have wonderful lives because their foundation is strong.

What a milestone for me. It took me two years to finally figure out what being a mom to adult daughters is about. I'm still learning, but I think I'm finally on the right track.

I'll leave you with this one comment from Jayme. As she's waiting for the train to Grafton from somewhere in Boston, she calls and exclaims, "Mom, did you know you can take the train to Washington, D.C.? Or New York? I could go anywhere."

Yes Sweet Girl, I know you can. :)

30 Years

It's been a while since I've posted, but it's not for lack of thought. So many things flooding into my brain that sorting them out isn't always easy, nor a priority.

Jim and I clocked a major milestone in our life together. Thirty years of marriage ... it's mind-boggling.

I look at our wedding pictures and see two people who thought they had it figured out, had a plan. And now, I see two people who truly had no idea.

So many lessons this life has taught me. I see this young woman to my left and am amazed at where she is today.

Here are some of my lessons:

1) Love without commitment isn't strong enough to get you through.
2) Being a wife will test me like no other.
3) Being a wife has taught me to put someone else first.
4) I CAN live without him, I CHOOSE not to.
5) Being right isn't always what it's about.
6) Romance novels lie.
7) "Ugly" isn't just seeing each other without makeup.

8) There are no guarantees that the plan you start with is the one you end with.
9) Each day is a new day with new opportunities.
10) There's always a way to give just a little more, no matter how hard it is.
11) Never say never ... except for this one ... NEVER go to bed angry. Ever.
12) The power of touch can diffuse the darkest of days.
13) Starting over is easier with him. And in 30 years, we've started over many times.
14) Let him do the dishes ... even if they have to be rewashed before using.
15) Forgive. Forget. The first is easier than the second.
16) History does not have to repeat itself.
17) When the kids are gone, we are what's left.
18) It's OK to have separate interests.
19) Communication is critical.
20) Temptations happen (thanks Adam and Eve).

I could go on cuz 30 years is a ton of time together. And now we move on towards our 31st year as a married couple. Where will that journey take us?

Struggles

Struggling with a sense of purpose. The burden is heavy and overwhelming at times.

It's OK to Relax

I've come to realize that it's OK. It's OK that on the weekends we relax. For some time now I've struggled with guilt over relaxing. For so long in our lives the weekends were spent catching up and cramming life into 48 hours.

With just me and Jim, it really is OK to relax.

I have to keep telling myself that. There's time during the week now to do what needs doing so life isn't jammed into just two days anymore.

It really is OK. It's OK to relax.

I'm still not good at it. And I still feel like we should have a long list of things to do like always. But that's not the case anymore. We always have a to-do list, but it's not insurmountable anymore.

I've been thinking about this for a couple weeks now.

It really is OK.

What's next?

I'm sitting here watching the Pit Bulls and Paroles marathon and crying. Damn it. What am I supposed to do with my life? What is round two supposed to be? I have so much left to give, but what am I being called to do? Should I rescue more dogs? Morgan would love that. Should we become foster parents again? I definitely have the compassion to parent. Should I use love of crafts to create for those in need? I bought a new sewing machine, so could do that. Should I write the books that I've been thinking about since before Sara's wedding? Should I get into making dog treats? Would love to buy an RV and get involved in camping/travel. Agility with Morgan? How fun would that be! What is the direction I'm being called in? I just don't know.

Jim and I were talking today and I feel like 2011 is a year of discovery for me. I feel like I'm learning to face the changes in our lives. Today is the first time I've cried since Jayme went back to school. And the tears weren't out of loneliness as in the past. The tears were more about frustration in what's next and when will I find it.

I've sat here wondering what to write as so many thoughts are running through my mind. No clarity today other than I know I'm on the brink of something, just not sure what that something is.

Kiss it, Mommy

I remember a time when a kiss, a hug and a band-aid would send the girls back to whatever it was they were doing. Even the bigger ouchies that came from broken bones and surgeries could be made better with some TLC.

And now? Not even close. There isn't a band-aid big enough to ease the pain of a broken heart or the ache from choices that are made for all the right reasons, yet still seem off somehow.

Being Mom to two adult daughters is toughest, I think, when they are hurting. Whether that hurt is from love or the world or a personal choice or whatever, stepping back and waiting is so hard. As the mom to a young child, it was easy to jump in and fix it. That same desire is there now, but no longer appropriate. Now the role is one of support and guidance, not fixer.

All that being said, and as hard as it can be, there is a tremendous sense of pride when I see the girls rising up from the sorrow and moving on. It's then that I'm able to catch glimpses of a lifetime of mothering and how through the sorrow there is joy. As moms we wonder if we've done good by our kids. It's times like this when I can see that I have.

My girls are strong women. They are smart women. They are amazing beyond words. And while I miss my little girls, I am so proud of the women they have become. And gosh darn it, I had a part in that.

As I bring this post to a close, I have tears. Not sure why because they tend to come on their own and without warning, but they are there even with a smile on my face. I've done a good job. I was a good mom and will continue to be a good mom.

Hmmm ... I think  I just rearranged my nest a little. It feels good. :)

Finding my rhythm

Here I sit with the dog asleep across my leg and the house is eerily quiet. Some days, actually most days, I just find the TV annoying.

Dani told me that I was a good mom. For the most part, I think she's right. But knowing what to do with daughters that are finding their own way isn't always easy. Life beats on.

When there are kids in the house a home takes on a craziness that becomes the norm. Running from one activity to the next, making sure homework is done and accurate, mountains of laundry and dishes and meals and oh gosh, there just seems to be so much going on that the days flow at break-neck speed. It's a song that writes itself within the life of a vibrant family.

And now, there's silence. I can turn on the radio or the TV and Morgan can surely bark with the best of them, but that's noise. It's not the sounds of a family flowing through their days. That's what's missing. That's part of what's so hard to face.

I remember wishing for my own "5 Minutes Peace." This is a great book, by the way, for any mom with little ones. :)


I remember wishing I could just stitch all day. Or lounge around in my jammies. And now I can do that and so much more. It just doesn't seem to be fulfilling enough. Why? What's wrong with me that I long for the days when there was so much going on? When I would be so tired at the end of the day that the end of the day couldn't come fast enough? When I would tell the girls that while I had two ears I could only listen to one of them at a time. Just writing about it makes me smile. A home and family life with so much pumping through every room.

I find myself loving the direction my children have taken in their lives. Sara has an amazing husband and a wonderful career that fits her perfectly. Jayme is on her way at BU and doing so well. Isn't that what our job is? To prepare our children for their future? In that regard, I'm a great mom. I couldn't be more proud of my girls.

So why the heck do I get so sad? It's really frustrating.

As I told Dani, the drum still beats; I just have to find the rhythm.

Why am I here?

I've been thinking about writing this blog for about six months now. My nest has been "empty" for a year and half and the journey has been anything but easy. I've learned a ton and have so much more to go. It is my hope to post about the joys, the tears, the boys (I have two daughters) and the fears that go with being a mom whoose babies are all grown up.

If you stumble on this blog, I hope you'll hang out and join me in this journey. I've been told I'm a funny gal at times, other times I know I can ramble. Here you'll get me as I am ... at the moment. Raw and real. Perhaps we'll grow together in this journey of motherhood. Some days you may get strength from me and other days I hope to learn from you.

One of the things I've learned in my 18 months of rearranging this nest we call home is best said by the infamous Erma Bombeck --

When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. 

What an eye-opening thought and really captures so much. Erma was an amazing woman and her wisdom transcends her own life.

This blog is one of my New Year's resolutions. I feel like it will help me in my growth as a mom and woman. My nest isn't empty, it's just been rearranged. I have two adult daughters and a new son-in-law, plus a husband. Can't forget him. <grin>

Tomorrow's another day. This blogging journey has begun. I hope you're intrigued enough to come back and walk with me. I know I look forward to it.