Dani told me that I was a good mom. For the most part, I think she's right. But knowing what to do with daughters that are finding their own way isn't always easy. Life beats on.
When there are kids in the house a home takes on a craziness that becomes the norm. Running from one activity to the next, making sure homework is done and accurate, mountains of laundry and dishes and meals and oh gosh, there just seems to be so much going on that the days flow at break-neck speed. It's a song that writes itself within the life of a vibrant family.
And now, there's silence. I can turn on the radio or the TV and Morgan can surely bark with the best of them, but that's noise. It's not the sounds of a family flowing through their days. That's what's missing. That's part of what's so hard to face.
I remember wishing for my own "5 Minutes Peace." This is a great book, by the way, for any mom with little ones. :)
I remember wishing I could just stitch all day. Or lounge around in my jammies. And now I can do that and so much more. It just doesn't seem to be fulfilling enough. Why? What's wrong with me that I long for the days when there was so much going on? When I would be so tired at the end of the day that the end of the day couldn't come fast enough? When I would tell the girls that while I had two ears I could only listen to one of them at a time. Just writing about it makes me smile. A home and family life with so much pumping through every room.
I find myself loving the direction my children have taken in their lives. Sara has an amazing husband and a wonderful career that fits her perfectly. Jayme is on her way at BU and doing so well. Isn't that what our job is? To prepare our children for their future? In that regard, I'm a great mom. I couldn't be more proud of my girls.
So why the heck do I get so sad? It's really frustrating.
As I told Dani, the drum still beats; I just have to find the rhythm.
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